The following script was written for my Playwriting class. The assignment was to write an invisible three-act “Bad” play. I believe I’ve accomplished both. TRIGGER WARNING: This play satirizes the “Adam and Eve” myth. If you are offended, then I’m getting an “A” grade.

ADAM is pimped out in a red silk suit, shoes, socks, pink shirt, and yellow tie, a gold-plated walking stick in his right hand. EVE is wearing a short black dress, pink stockings, and gold platform shoes. She stands beside ADAM, staring at the giant tree to their left.

EVE 
I gots something to tell you.
 
ADAM 
(He stares at the audience as if surveying the horizon.) 
No, I won’t let you go out with that devil snake. He pays like everyone else.
  
EVE 
(Turning to face ADAM) 
I think he has a thing for me. He’s making all kinds of promises that we can leave this life.
  
ADAM 
(Turns and looks up at the tree) 
Babe, I’ve been hearing bullshit promises like that since I was six years old and living in that whore house with my mother. This is my life, and I ain’t leaving it.
 
EVE 
(Turning around to look up at the tree) 
This time is different. He showed me the future.  

They both turn around and face the audience. EVE takes a small case out of her purse and dabs herself with a fresh coat of makeup.

ADAM 
Listen, I have more time on the streets than you. I know a hustle when I hear one.
  
EVE 
But you haven’t even heard his deal. There has to be more to life here in the Garden of Eden than being out here selling myself.  

ADAM 
Whatcha mean selling yourself? I sell you, and you get a room, board, food, and, most importantly, protection. Protection from people like that Devil Snake. I got my deal. I’m a fly man who pulls hella bitches like you.  

EVE 
(Turns to look up at the tree) 
But what if he could make us a bigger deal? More bitches, more cash, more shine. What would it hurt to hear what he has to say? 
 
ADAM 
(Turns to look up the tree) 
Better not be a waste of my time. 

ADAM turns back to the audience.

EVE 
(Screaming to the top of the tree) 
Yo, my man, we’re ready to hear you out.  

DEVIL’S VOICE 
(Deeply thunderous) 
Mister Adam, thank you for this grand opportunity to speak to you.  

ADAM never looks up at the tree. He’s too busy stylin’ on the stage and primping himself.

EVE 
I told him that he gotta have a way for us to leave the life and make some cool cash. 
 
ADAM 
I ain’t leaving no life...but if you got a way to make more pesos, then I be interested.  

DEVIL’S VOICE 
I understand. An intelligent man like you. A stylin’ man all pimped out...fresh in your shiny garments. Yes, sir, you look like a king. However, I can make you the Emperor of an empire. 

EVE  
(Turns to ADAM) 
Think of it, Adam. Not only Eden but the whole world could be ours.
  
ADAM 
Whatcha mean, ours? 

ADAM turns to the tree.

ADAM 
I still haven’t heard any details from you—just air. 

Suddenly, a large gold apple falls from the tree and rolls to the feet of ADAM and EVE. They both look down at it. EVE rushes to pick it up.

EVE
Look, it’s so shiny, like your walking stick. I can see myself. 

ADAM
I ain’t hungry. 

EVE continues to admire herself in the apple’s reflection.

DEVIL’S VOICE
Oh, but you’re hungry for power, aren’t you? I can give you all the power in the world with that apple. 

ADAM
Wait, is this some trick? Didn’t the High Pimp in the Sky give us some warnings about an apple or something? It’s been so long I forgot. 

EVE
It’s just an apple. A beautiful gold apple. Something so beautiful can’t be bad for you. 

DEVIL’S VOICE
Exactly. Think of it as a test. You eat that apple, and I can see your bravery and strength. Strong enough to be Emperor of the world. You do that, and I’ll know you’re serious when you say you want it all. 

EVE
Oh, Adam. Think of it. All the world’s riches, and I won’t have to keep running around in this stupid dress, macking out with smelly, oily men in their Brooks Brothers suits and Johnston & Murphy wingtips. I can spend more time with you.

ADAM
It sure sounds good. Let me see that apple.  

EVE hands it over to ADAM, who admires it closely.

ADAM
All I have to do is take a bite, and the whole world is mine?

DEVIL’S VOICE
All yours. 

ADAM
Shit, that ain’t no thing.

ADAM bites into the apple. Darkness descends on the stage. A SCREAM. Horrific sounds of PAIN rock through the theatre.

DEVIL’S VOICE
Gotcha, Pimp, your ass is now mine. 

THAT’S ALL FOLKS. THE END.